I feel un-comprehensive today. This whole weekend panned out into events that had caught me off guard. From fighting my (not so current) boyfriend to yelling and screaming at my closest and only friends over little things, to just stressing out about a potential baby that I am probably carrying. Honestly, I want to go back in time and stop everything from happening. Though craving such ability to mess around with time, I would still regret it since I may not have gotten the job in my dream profession, or build a beautiful relationship with people that I didn’t know that would stick by my side through thick and thicker.
So far my life hasn’t started thinning itself out for me.
Now the question I am currently facing is the same issue I have been asking myself since day one after my high school graduation:
What the hell am I going to do next?
I have a child that needs me, a car that needs me, a gas tank that needs my $20 every other five days, and a soul that is yearning for natural healing. Every time I start to do something on my own, life, cameras, the action happens.
Deep down I want to be happy. I want to love, to cry and not feel judged, go places and enjoy being myself without a care in the world, and let my heart soar. My biggest dream is to become a DCA (Drum Corp Associates) and a DCI (Drum Corp International) instructor and motivate my students to perform as if their lives depend on it. My band belief is to play your music like you are leaving behind a precious legacy for the future generations. I want people to relate to how much music means to me through performance, confidence, compliments, and mistakes.
I am tired of not moving forward with music. I am sick of just sitting here at home and not do anything, or visit my friends and feel as though I am not moving anywhere. Patience is key, but I need something to put at the tips of my fingers so I can stay busy. You know, I hope all of this writing pays off in the long run. I hope that I can finally fix what is slowly falling apart before time runs out. At the same time, I do believe that some things may actually change for the good instead of the worst. Who knows, right?
For further explanation on DCA and DCI, please read the provided links below. I do not own any rights to the information that is provided, and give full credit to those who have done all the research!